Would have updated more if I didn't have these things on my mind. Should it always be a struggle? Is it supposed to be this difficult?

I wrote the following in Chiang Mai...
It was the night where quite a few of the team members got sick and Liana had a high fever...

We have to confess with our mouth and believe in our hearts. How can we do that when the pain is still there? What if we stil see and feel the effects of the sickness. I've been told to continue believing and so far, He's not withheld His side of the bargain. But what if it didn't... How would I react then?

I was thinking so much about healing that day... We had gone visiting the villagers in their homes and there was this guy who had broken his leg 16 years ago. He didn't go see a doctor and his leg didn't heal right... So his calf was at a funny angle and he couldn't walk right. Asked the group to stay back so that we could pray for him. The pastor asked me to pray while he translated. But after praying out 4 lines, my mind came to a complete halt... Doubts came in and I got pretty upset with myself after that. Began questioning God. He had said I would be a dangerous man for Him... So why was I so afraid? Not knowing what to do and how to do it?

Wrote this on saturday night after the evangelistic concert..
Anyway, these past few days I've been in a whirlwind of activity. I believe its only through God's provision of strength that we managed to get through it all... The team members have good hearts but yet I feel that there's a cap. I'm so glad that it was loosened tonight.

We had a wonderful time praying and worshipping when the speaker went up. We wouldn't have understood the sermon anyway... God spoke to me again. I think I might have a direction after my 5 year plan. Or it might just specifically be for the 5 year duration. I'm not sure.

All I know is that I felt God's love radiating in that room. The amazing thing was that the 16 year old thai girl who was with us felt it too... And even though she knew close to nothing about singing the Holy Spirit and could speak and understand very little of English, she broke down in tears when we prayed and sang. She probably had no idea what we were praying about but she could feel God's love...

Had a vision of a dome of light convering Sanpranet church and the word that came with it. "This ground belongs to me. Claim it in my name..."
Shared it with the group and got 2 confirmations from Liwei and Kris. After that there was a massive feeling of peace. As if what we prayed for had been done. Although I wouldn't know that till much later. God spoke to me in his loving, kind voice. He asked why I wasn't seeking Him more. He also reassured me saying, "Obey and you'll be on the right track.

See... all this reassurance... Why is it still so difficult? 20 more days till the end of my covenant... Lynette suggested extending it one or two more years. The thought of it leaves me breathless...